Devotional Kink
Not so many years ago, I didn't know what a flogger was. I thought kink was something scary and dark and secret. I had kinky fantasies, but they scared me. I thought that meant there was just something fundamentally wrong with me. I thought kink went along with dysfunctional people and dysfunctional relationships.
Conscious Heart Centered Kink
Not so many years ago, I didn't know what a flogger was. I thought kink was something scary and dark and secret. I had kinky fantasies, but they scared me. I thought that meant there was just something fundamentally wrong with me. I thought kink went along with dysfunctional people and dysfunctional relationships.
I had no idea that kinky people were so nice! I learned that not only could kinky play have a place in loving, conscious, healthy relationships, but that it can enhance and deepen vulnerable, authentic connection in extraordinary ways. Consensual, conscious Kink can lead to delicious altered states, soul healing, and transformative, intimate connection at a level I never even imagined.
Kink is slowly moving into the mainstream. It’s taken awhile, because for the last 40 or 50 years, psychology categorized anything that didn’t look like heteronormative intercourse as wrong, bad, and sick – as pathology. Kink was considered a disorder in the DSM (the bible for psychology) until quite recently. It’s becoming mainstream now, thankfully, in part because research has consistently shown that kinky people who play consciously, with consent, are healthier, happier, and mentally and emotionally more stable than their non-kinky counterparts.
Conscious Heart Centered Kink is this: we make an agreement, out loud, to be deliberately “wicked” together. To break the rules, together. To revel in our naughtiness! Because we’ve agreed on what, and how, and even why, and invited each other into all of that with an enthusiastic YES – OMG it’s SO PLAYFUL!
When you play consciously and consensually in kinky ways, you become partners in crime; you become one being surfing waves of sensation and connection through the conduit of two (or more) bodies. You feel sacred, loved, seen, innocent, powerful, and beautiful. You feel fully accepted and free.
Shibari (Japanese rope bondage) is one of my favorite areas of play, and it is full of paradox. You may be bound and restrained, and yet never felt so liberated. You may want to deliver intense sensation – fear, or “pain” – to a play partner, and by the gorgeous alchemy in their body, your physical connection, and your shared awareness of your experience, you can turn that into ecstatic altered states and POWER. It feels like love – because it is love, delivered in just the way you both want it most.
You don’t need special equipment for Kink, though. All you need is imagination and a body (or two, or more). It can be as simple as telling someone not to giggle. They are THRILLED to obey, knowing full well they can giggle any damn time they want to – but it’s fun to choose to struggle not to, and there may be consequences (that we’ve agreed on, but what a thrill of fear anyway) and how FUN is that?
Being witnessed in your Kinky Blueprint, in your ”darkest,” deepest desires, by those who not only accept but who celebrate those desires, can bring some of the most healing, beautiful, and peak erotic moments available. When you do this in a loving relationship, it exponentially expands what is erotically possible for everyone involved.
What are the keys to joyful, happy, Heart Centered Kink?
1. Recognizing, acklowledging, and releasing shame. Knowing that what your body wants… your body wants! Who cares why? If someone wants to do it too, and you’re not harming each other or anyone else – you win! You get to play full out, in exactly the way you want to.
2. Consent. Being in full agreement. Spelling it all out, together. SSC: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. (Some now use RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink). Meaning: you and your play partner agree to play in a way that does not cause physical or emotional harm. You negotiate what each of you want, what you do NOT want, how long the play will last, and safe words to use if either of you needs to take a break or end the scene. This practice of open negotiation of wants and needs is one of the great teachings kink is bringing into mainstream culture. What if we all did that, in any kind of intimate interaction? Before engaging in a challenging conversation? In “regular” sex? (Whatever that is.) Real, informed consent is a practice of intentionality and a level of conversation that transforms lives.
So, if you know you’re Kinky, but maybe your partner doesn’t yet… or if you just discovered you may be Kinky through reading this – I’m here to help!
Stepping into the Kink world for the first time or for a deeper dive, can feel intimidating. I’m here to provide professional, experienced coaching as your guide for new levels of Kinky adventure. Apply Now for Conscious Heart Centered Kink Coaching.